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HarlowAudrey

Friend drama - advice needed

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I'll give some backstory. I met my best friend through my husband. She was dating his best friend and we clicked and since 2007 have been really close. She has always been flakey. She is very introverted and doesn't think the way I do (for instance, I will make sure I message friends weekly to ask how they are/what's new. She doesn't do this and never really contacts anyone).

Last year, her boyfriend passed away unexpectedly. She moved back in with family and I made a big effort to be there for her. She lives an hour away so I would visit, message etc. She was receptive and was fantastic with staying in regular contact.

About 2 months ago she started dating someone new. My husband and our other friends made a joke that we would get ditched and she would be friends with his friends because "that is how she is". I laughed and said they were paranoid but now it seems like this is what is happening.

She recently lost her job am is unemployed. I think she is depressed and I have tried to see her- I suggested we catch up Thursday or Friday last week but she never got back to me so we made plans for this afternoon to grab coffee but see messaged at 2 in the morning saying she has to cancel as she needs to apply for 10 jobs and go to centerlink so she can get paid.

She also canceled on the NYE plans we have had for months as she is going away with her new boyfriend. I'll add that I've met her new man and invited him to NYE but he already had these plans which she is now doing.

I'm at a loss. The last time I saw her was our combined birthday- we had an awesome night.. But I'm being blown off time after time. Do I give up? Do I say something? If she is depressed I don't want to be insensitive but at the same time I don't want to embarrass myself and not take a hint if she doesn't want to be friends anymore.

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What a situation!

If I were you, I'd wait it out and see if she comes to make contact with you. There are only so many blows a girl can take!

If she wants to end your friendship because she has found new friends, then she needs to be mature enough to tell you, not leave subtle hints everywhere.

You could try to ask her, but you probably won't get a straight answer.

Good luck.

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im glad you put this post up, im kinda in the same boat with a friend of 7yrs, its tough, ive kinda given up, only because she is so negative and draining, after or visits I always left with heavy shoulders, well the last straw for me, was I lost my sister and a little girl we were adopting in the space of a month also had boobs done, she turned on me and said what a bad friend I was and I was never there for her etc, my husband was so mad, as for about 2 years, I have looked after her son, taking him to footy games and training with my son cause she had dancing with her daughter etc, also looked after him every Thursday night and so on, much much more, anyway, I said that's it enough is enough, I have backed right of now, its true people change and grow apart, I do hope you can get it sorted, I tried for weeks and got nowhere, now things have been said that we cant come back from, she actually said to me, I hope your ready for all the judgement about me getting a boob job, I don't need the crap honestly,

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You are a good friend for being there for her there's nothing else you can do, if she doesn't appreciate you then it's her loss. Just give her some time and see what happens, she might just need some time to herself to figure things out. If she really wants to keep your friendship she will call you,not expect you to be the one calling and texting all the time. I had a friend like that where I was the only one trying to keep in contact with her it almost felt like I was stalking her, until we made plans 1 day and she stood me up and never returned my calls or messages and I never heard from her again.and I know nothing happened to her cos I saw her family after that. I say just wait a little bit then try to contact her and if she is still the same then you know where your friendship stands.

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Isn't it amazing how girls can still act like silly teenagers. I'm sure we've all had a friend or two where this has happened. I decided a while back to be ruthless and only keep positive people in my life. Life is too short to not be treated with respect. A true friend will always be there for you no matter what, or how often you are in contact. If you know you have been a good friend to her and done your best to try and keep the friendship at least if you have to walk away from her you know you can do it with a clear conscience. Best of luck as I know how much it hurts to be treated badly.

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I don't think give up, let her know you're there but let her make some effort. A nice message to say hey I'm thinking of you, can't wait to catch up again is sometimes all it needs. I have lost a lot of my friends to the big bad world of kids lol

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I somehow know how you feel, my friends of 10 years have moved down another path, I was sick off making effort with them, they haven't txt me since October, they make time to hang out at 2am in the morning with the Trollop that slept with her boyfriend. And my other friend texted me last month to brag about this homewrecker I really didn't want to know about (it seems the homewrecker is the only thing we have in common now) . So I figured I'm not making an effort with them if they can't return the favour. Blargh rant over sorry girls

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Yep sadly enough it seems to happen. However by the sounds of it she might be a little depressed and with a new relationship trying to spend all her time with the new partner. Keep sending texts when you like (i hope that she at least responds) and see what happens over the next few months. I have had this happen over the past and sometimes you just have to move on and other times accept the change in "friendship" and roll with the flow that way.

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As shitty as it is what you're going though with this friend, you're not alone, I too have friends where I'm Always making the effort.. I could leave it for 3 months and they still wouldn't text me. They're so wrapped up in their own lives that they don't think about my feelings at all.,

in saying that, it's funny how when they're single/life is down, suddenly I do get messages and I fall for it and offer all my love and support. My own birthday this one friend didnt even come visit me. Kept making excuses about being busy and then said she'd visit "tomorrow" but never heard from her. I was left wondering what could I possibly of done that would make her so lazy with our friendship. But I looked at her other friendships and compared how she treats them and realised I'm not the only one, it just took me a while to see it.

I don't make effort with these friends anymore, I have 2 true friends where the effort goes both ways and it feels good :) it's hard to find friends like this. But they're out there.

I would give your friend some space but let her know you're there if she needs... It sounds like you're exhausted from trying, and thinking about it must make you sad... Give yourself the space too... It will be better for you in the long run. Let her come to you if she needs. Xxx

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Theres really no excuse for people who dont treat us right. You've more than done your bit, made her know you are there, now it's all up to her if she wants to keep the friendship!

My rule is simple: set the example, be a good person. Those who appreciate it and meet you halfway are keepers. Those who don't, well they can find someone else who gives a fck :D pretty simple really xx

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