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GlitterGal

Anyone else parents so angry at their daughter getting BA?

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Had a horrible day and feeling so down. My BA is in 2.5weeks and I decided to tell my mum this morning. She is so against plastic surgery. And I knew it would be a horrible conversation. She was heartbroken and so disappointed in me. In anger she said some not so nice things and although we are best friends and talk every day I can see myself getting the silent treatment for some time. And I was advised by her not to tell my father. I didn't tell her to worry her or upset her but to let her know I love her and to be honest, as regardless I'll be on a operating table and anything could happen. And I think she would have felt betrayed if I did something like that behind her back, considering we are so close I felt she had a right as my mother to know. Just wondering if anyone else's parents took it hard and if they eventually became supportive. ???

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My mum was totally opposite and to be honest I actually expected to get off the phone bawling my eyes out and for her to yell at me I was petrified to tell her (we are currently living interstate so I didn't have to do it face to face), my reason for thinking she would be totally disappointed in me was because when I was pregnant with my first and we told everyone she wouldn't even speak to me she thought we were totally not ready but she soon came around and bought me everything under the sun for bub, we now have 3 children and I was scared of her being cranky and not wanting to speak with me as I am very close with my family and my mum and dad have helped us out so much. But when I told her she laughed at me for being so worried and told me she completely understood that the small boobs comes from her side of the family even though she has large boobs as does my youngest sister and she was completely fine with it as long as I had all the information. When I spoke to her again and told her my date she was just sorry she couldn't come up to stay with us and help out as she will have just gotten back from a holiday overseas and couldn't get more time off work. In reality if you are that close and she wants to be in your life and have that relationship she will come around and this is what I told myself when I prepared to tell my mum thinking that would be her reaction.

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I'm sorry to hear this chick! I can't speak from experience as I didnt tell family for fear of this. However, I will have to deal with the repercussions of being secretive at some stage.

Give her some time to digest it. Maybe write up a pros and cons list for why you're doing it and give it to her for her to see how the pros greatly outweigh the cons for you. The cons can include disappointing her if that's true. When I did my pro/con list...getting a BA was a no brainer. That's my plan for when my mum finds out. I know she and her 14c boobs will think it was a terrible decision, a waste of money and an unnecessary risk.

I really hope she sees this from your perspective and there are some other girls on here who can give you some first hand experience with this

X

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How absolutely terrible for you! What a thing to go through so close to your date. I mean no disrespect to your mum, but despite the fact that she personally is against plastic surgery - I don't think that you should be made to feel the same way. What impact does it have on her life, except she has a happy, fulfilled daughter. At 32 years old, it seems exceedingly harsh to say and act that way.

I'm really sorry you've had to go through this. Surgery is a personal decision and I believe should be respected as one. I know how much it means to have your mums approval, I am the same, but was lucky enough to have my mum, whilst not necessarily agree, support me anyway. But I wouldn't hold on to it, you should be very positive at this stage and super excited about your new additions. As hard as it may be, don't take what was said on board. In enough time she is sure to come around!

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How awful for you :(

I have to say I havent told my parents as I didnt need that before surgery, I live interstate so I knew they couldnt come help so no point tjem worrying. I think I feel happier having it done now and not having to deal with their angst and my own. As a parent myself I can see where there opinions wiuld be coming from but its very hard to process that ourselves.

I hope she comes around!!!

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I've been crying non stop as my mum means everything to me and I hate the fact she is disgusted and disappointed in me. I'm going to leave her alone for a few days and hope she sees family means more then this in the long run. I know her emotional blackmail is not on purpose and she just doesn't want to see her child doing this "unnatural" procedure to their body it not 100% necessary. But I'm an adult and as hard as it will be I will have to stand my ground and do this for me. My partner has been great and telling me I'm a great person inside and out and it's just her venting her own Insecurities and looking out for her daughter. I don't plan on talking to her anymore anout it & nor do I plan on telling her the date the surgery is booked. Sad all my excitement has been drain and I'll keep my Fingers crossed.

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I never told my parents. But give her some space. We all say things we dont mean in the heat of the moment. Let her know that you are still there after what she may have said to u but give her room to breath for a while. It might give her some time to think or even do some research herself. She might accept its your choice at the end of the day and the surgery may not carry as many risks as she may think. I bet she will love them once they r done. Good luck

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I still haven't told my Dad, Stepmum or my brothers or sister, I feel that they would be judgemental and negative. I am 5 months post op now and have seen them quite a few times since my BA and they haven't even noticed, well if they have they haven't said anything to me about it. I did tell my mum though but because I have wanted a boob job since I was 15 and realised I was never going to grow any, Mum was not at all surprised and was very supportive.

I think your mum will come around, and maybe just don't tell your Dad, it's a personal thing and he really doesn't need to know xx

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My mum is very anti cosmetic surgery as well but I told her I was thinking about it even before I'd had my first consultation.  I also asked her to come along to the consultations with me so she could voice all of her concerns to my surgeon and ask questions as well and this was really helpful.  My surgeon was able to articulate things better than I've been able to such as putting into words that the reason I'm doing this is so to look good for boys, but to feel confident in myself.  

 

I think a lot of people have a hard time imagining what its like to be flat chested when they haven't been themselves and I think they often imagine that you're wanting the surgery out of pure vanity or to impress boys when often it goes a lot deeper than this.  

 

I don't think my mum is still sold on the idea but she will be supporting me regardless.  I think it could even be a good idea for you to have another consultation and take your mum along.  I also explained to my mum that this isn't an overnight decision but something I've been considering for years and that I've never felt feminine being flat chested and find it hard to accept being this way when none of the other women in my family are.  

 

Give your mum some time to think things over and I'm sure she will come around, it will just take time.  Could it even be possible for you to post phone your surgery so that she has some time to think and feels as though she has a role in the decision making as well?

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So sorry to hear of the rough time you have had with your Mum, GlitterGal. Your Mum is probably in shock and trying to process your words. My Mum was very negative when I got my nose pierced at the age of 21 and said some pretty nasty things. When I got my BA a month ago at the age of 39, I thought she was doing to do the same thing again. She didn't, but while she told me I am an adult and therefore I can make my own decisions (thanks Mum - I am nearly 40!!), I knew she didn't approve. I had to text her that I was okay after the surgery instead of the other way around. She didn't see me until a week later. But that was her choice. Try to be confident in your decision, GlitterGal. You know why you are getting the surgery done. I am sure you have thought long and hard about it and it's not a rash decision. Give your Mum time and hopefully she will see you are much happier in making a decision that will change your life.

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So sorry to hear of the rough time you have had with your Mum, GlitterGal. Your Mum is probably in shock and trying to process your words. My Mum was very negative when I got my nose pierced at the age of 21 and said some pretty nasty things. When I got my BA a month ago at the age of 39, I thought she was doing to do the same thing again. She didn't, but while she told me I am an adult and therefore I can make my own decisions (thanks Mum - I am nearly 40!!), I knew she didn't approve. I had to text her that I was okay after the surgery instead of the other way around. She didn't see me until a week later. But that was her choice. Try to be confident in your decision, GlitterGal. You know why you are getting the surgery done. I am sure you have thought long and hard about it and it's not a rash decision. Give your Mum time and hopefully she will see you are much happier in making a decision that will change your life.

 

Pink I had the exact same reaction from my Mum. (I'm 40)

 

 

Had a horrible day and feeling so down. My BA is in 2.5weeks and I decided to tell my mum this morning. She is so against plastic surgery. And I knew it would be a horrible conversation. She was heartbroken and so disappointed in me. In anger she said some not so nice things and although we are best friends and talk every day I can see myself getting the silent treatment for some time. And I was advised by her not to tell my father. I didn't tell her to worry her or upset her but to let her know I love her and to be honest, as regardless I'll be on a operating table and anything could happen. And I think she would have felt betrayed if I did something like that behind her back, considering we are so close I felt she had a right as my mother to know. Just wondering if anyone else's parents took it hard and if they eventually became supportive. ???

Glitter

Our Mums are protective and it weirdly comes from love and fear. She will come around when she realises how important it is and how much research you have done. We dont enter in to surgery lightly. I know personally I have been wanting this for more than 20 years. I think we've earned the right to feel good about ourselves.

 

Chin up, we are here for you.

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Thanks for all the support, honestly made my life so much easier reading all these posts. I've seen my mum since our argument and she is just acting pretty normal but still a little cold but she never brought up the surgery. I understand she has voiced

her opinion and I accept her disapproval and we just leave it at that. But a huge part ofe thinks she doesn't believe I'm going to go thru with it. Once it's done and I hopefully survive lol the issues won't be that dramatic. I know she loves me sooooo much and it's all her fear and love coming out the wrong way. Ahhhhhhh the joy of mothers xx

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I think the older generation thinks that when you get a boob job you get these huge unnatural looking boobs but they don't know how so many people walk past them every day and you wouldn't even know they had them done. My mum is like that. K wadn't going to tell her as she lives overseas but yhought I'd better and she didn't like it. I coukd hear her smirking through the phone, almost like she was looking down on me in some way. Well after telling her why etc etc she came around saying that she hoped I would be happy in the end. She still laughed at me a bit in the end of our conversation but now she thinks they are nice and suits my body. I think she was surprised at the size as she was expecting these huge melons on me.

I did remember saying to my husband after my first consult when we were told of all the risks, is this really worth all these risks to have boobs??? his reply was, well then you can never do anything if you view it like that. Its true in a way.

I hope your mum comes around and if you are as close as you say, she will!!! She just needs to process it all.

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I spoke to her today and she said she will NEVER understand my reasoning. I have two kids and I'm risking my life;according to her) just to get a bigger pair of boobs and that money could have been spent a lot more sensibly. She is now annoyed at my partner because he is the one paying therefore being an enabler i guess. Once it's all over hopefully she won't see it was that bad.

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You know what the funny thing is? When I told a few close people about me booking in for my BA, a few of my girlfriends told me their mothers had their boobs done 30 years ago. Then, another close girlfriend told me when she spoke to her Mum about what I was doing, her Mum said she had looked into getting a BA done when she was much younger. So, don't be surprised if a few women of our mother's generation have had plastic surgery on the quiet or looked into it. Your Mum will come around once you are content and happy, GlitterGal. x

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Feel for you! I was petrified of telling my parents and only fessed up one day before. I felt completely sick about it but I think it would have been way worse not telling them beforehand. They were obviously disappointed but accepted it was my decision. I've only been telling them for twenty years + that I'd get a BA one day! :) As a mum I think it would take a bit of time to understand that your daughter wants to change herself and that it's not a reflection on her as a parent. When my mum saw me a few days after she was like, oh you still look like you! Time generally heals so try to stay positive about your decision and good luck x

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I know the feeling!!! My BA is in two weeks and I have only just gotten my Mum to come around. 

 

Im not sure about your circumstances, but she came around when I explained how I felt and why I was getting the surgery. I explained that it wasn't a rash decision and was something that although she may not understand, it is something that affects me. Keep at it, she will come around! 
Good luck with everything!!!! xx

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So just thought I would share, it was my birthday a couple of days ago and as we are currently living interstate I didn't see anyone for my birthday but I was talking on the phone to my nan last night thanking her for sending me a card and she brought up about me getting my boobs done (my mum had told her lol) and the only thing she could say was don't go too big cause when I get old and get fatter my boobs will get even bigger lol and my mum must have told her about me not being aloud to lift my daughter for 2weeks so she was telling me don't you go picking her up for 2 weeks do what the doctor tells you haha I was trying to not giggle at her, she then told me she wishes she were able to come help me with the kids god bless her, I am overwhelmed how supportive my family has been. 

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Hi hon, I am so sorry to read this thread.  It is horrible to read that you have been made to feel guilty about something you need to do for yourself.  Stand tall and be proud that you are so courageous that you could tell your mum the truth.  I've told my friends and hubby and that's all.  I saw my Mum for the first time yesterday since they were done and she didn't appear to notice anything.  If she brings it up again, maybe tell her that you know people who have not told their parents and she needs to appreciate your honesty.  xx

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It's been 10 weeks since my BA and my Mum is sooooo supportive now. She ended up buying me a nice piece of jewellery and writing a lovely "I'm sorry" letter. She even came to my last check up with me. I think it's the build up before the surgery and all the "what ifs" but now she sees I'm okay and im not a playboy pinup with the biggest boobs in the world she is very okay.

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