Dealing with the guilt

[Piratesdelights]

I'm yet to have surgery but have had a couple of consults and due to have another one next week. I have the money saved and not needing to go into debt to get the surgery done. 

Anyway I'm really really struggling with the idea of spending so much money on myself. There's loads of other things I could be spending this money on. 

This is something I've been working towards since my youngest was born 9 years ago but always seemed like it was never going to happen.  Now that it is, the guilt is eating me up.  How did you get past this?

[overthinkingit]

That was the big thing for me too, and why it took me over 15yrs to actually do it. Hubby had no issue with the money side of it but I did. Then one day it clicked for me that I had a bonus from a previous employer sitting around in shares that cost me nothing to get and that had more then doubled in value so I decided to sell them because it gave me the freedom of being able to choose any surgeon I wanted and not have to use any of our normal money. 

You would be surprised how many people said to me that it made them happy or proud to see me choosing to do something for myself. As a mum and a wife we are all guilty of giving our families the world and ourselves nothing. 

After my surgery I had a family member who was lets just say less then supportive and only interested in how much I spent. My hubby's response was the best- You can not put a price on giving someone self confidence in their body. 

[WhingingPom]

Hey Pirates,

I totally understand where you are coming from, I really struggled with the idea of spending that kind of money on myself and doing something so "vain", despite having the money sitting in the bank.  It took me a long time to finally allow myself to do it, and even then I felt so guilty.  When I had complications, my first thought was "oh is this karma for being so superficial and having them done?".  In time those feelings faded and I started to think some girls spend $10k a year on clothes and make-up - most of my clothes are either from cheap stores or the op shop, so why is it so different?

When it came to my redo, again it was hard to do something for myself, but with the encouragement of a few friends, I booked it and am so glad I did.

I had just come out of a long term relationship that had been very draining, with lots of family sickness and issues on his side, I haven't had a proper "me" holiday in the 7 years I've been out here (my leave is used on going home or having people out here), and it did me the world of good to be forced to rest up and enjoy relaxing without feeling guilty that I should be doing something.  I never really treat myself, but I found it really empowering going and doing something solely for me. I know it is a bit different as I went away, and did manage to get a bit of a holiday out of it too, but once you let go of the guilt, it really changes your experience into something much more positive.

Ask yourself how much of your time do you devote to others?  How often are you doing something for someone else compared to how often you do something for you?  You deserve to do something for you.  It's not selfish, it's healthy.  It sounds like you are a really conscientious person and have worked hard for it, please don't feel guilty, embrace putting yourself first for once

[pink butterfly]

My thing was that I was waking up every day hating my 10AA cup breasts and feeling like crap. If your bust really bothers you that much where you are losing self esteem or you don't feel feminine, then go ahead with the surgery. If you have doubts, then I would not go ahead until you really want the surgery.

[Kayla89]

I would happily spend the money again!!! I'm sure 90 percent of the ladies would agree with me ? Its nice to do something for yourself after having children (and before)! 

[vlinder]

After losing many people in my life in a VERY short time span and getting very sick my self I realised how important it is to be HAPPY in your life!  Whatever form that takes, we  ALL deserve to make US happy, as life is SOOOOOO short.

So, put the guild away forever, and enjoy your life, if that means new boobs, so be it !

Go on girl, do it !

X O

[Colleena]

I honestly have never really felt guilty about the money (maybe the shopaholic in me). Hubby was a bit apprehensive once we found out the cost because I have to have a lift as well, but he is totally supportive (he also gets new boobs too and he is a major boob man). This is something i need to do for me though. After breastfeeding and weight loss completely destroyed what i have, i feel like ive lost my womanly shape and i just want to feel like me again. I also want to compete next year in fitness competitions so i feel this will help give me shape where i need it.

I agree, put the guilt away and think of the outcome, focus on the positives and what you will gain :-)

[Piratesdelights]

Thank you lovely ladies for your replies. It means alot that you've taken time in your day to respond to me. I'm literally sitting at work in my tea break with tears at the words of encouragement and experience. 

Overthinkingit, I'm the same.  So worried about the money but hubby is totally supportive of me spending the money to get it done.  He knows how badly I think of myself since breastfeeding 3 kids. I wish I didn't over think it (pun intended lol)

whingingpom,  your kind words have really hit home.  I am one of those people that smile when I should be crying and take on everyone else's problems instead of my own.  I know I deserve this but as a mum we always put others before ourselves. I honestly haven't even factored in the possibility of complications. I have saved extra money but not enough for revision.  I'm so glad you've been able to have the surgery and hope that your revision has fixed the problems you've had. 

Pink butterfly I have no doubts about the surgery. I can't wait.  I wish my next consult was today as I'd go in tomorrow if it was. Lol. Just struggling with mummy guilt. 

Kayla89, I definitely need this surgery to improve the way I feel about myself.  I hate looking at my boobs and hate going clothes shopping as nothing looks right. Bra shopping actually makes me cry. After 3 kids and nearly 30kg weight loss my boobs are revolting. I'm in hate with my reflection. 

Vlinder, thanks for your encouraging words. Sorry to hear of your losses. Glad you've done something that has improved your life and made you happy. It helps to hear of other peoples positive experiences. 

Colleena, yes hubby gets new boobs too lol. Its time I remembered that I'm not just a wife and mother I'm a person with needs. And I neeeeeed a boob job. Hahaha

I know in my heart this is what I want.  I am at the stage in my life where I can do this and it makes it easier that I have the money and not sending us into debt as this is something that I couldn't deal with.  Im a slight control freak and like to have things planned and organised which is why I've waited so long to have this done.  I know having a boob job won't make life perfect but I'm sure it will increase my confidence and self esteem.  As I haven't 100% picked my surgeon, I'm still in that stage where there's no commitment and confirmation for me. I think once I've booked a surgeon and date I'll feel better about the whole thing.  

Thanks again for your kind words of wisdom. 

Xx

[Icequeen69]

Once you have a surgeon and have booked in, you will feel little better and weight will lift a little. Just remember you are just as important as any member of your family. I have been were you are also. Now i am booked in and cannot back out so to speak i feel better.

[Bec_Mummsy]

I'm 3.5 weeks PO & can definitely empathise! It is a hell of a lot of money, I think this everyday....BUT for me, since having kids at a young age (first at 21) & not having much spare money, I'm now treating myself as we are more financially comfortable & not having any more kids! I've always been a netballer but started running in September & it made me fairly lean.... I looked like a 12 year old boy & not womanly at all!! (In my eyes anyway) So....I have no answers regarding the guilt but know you're not alone

[WhingingPom]

Pirates, I know exactly how you feel. I'm not a mum, but as an emergency nurse I would see people being diagnosed and living with awful illnesses, and having operations they wish they didn't have to have, and I would think "and there's me having surgery willingly for vanity". But I don't see it that way anymore, and I hope the guilt passes for you and you put yourself first for once and do something for you! 

[Piratesdelights]

Guilt is going slowly and excitement is building as I have an appointment with a possible surgeon tomorrow! I don't think I'll ever get rid of it totally, I think the outcome of better boobs will help.  

X