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E.J.

Help!!! Evil mother in law problems!!

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Hey girls, I've got a right problem at the moment and don't really know who else to talk to about it (family and friends back in the UK). My fiancée and I left our jobs at Xmas to come to oz to travel and to get away from his evil mother. She was so horrible to me since we met 4 years ago and I don't know why. She always picks on me about my weight and that I shouldn't be the size I am, must be hard for a girl "my size" (I'm a 14-16 5ft 8 big frame). She always moans when I have spots etc. my mum brought me up on her own from day one and Paul's mum Lynn is always critising mum saying she should of stayed with my so called father just for my sake and always says "don't have kids young, me and Paul's dad had our kids late and look who's still together now etc" it breaks my heart when she says stuff like this about my mum as my mum has been my mum and dad to me! So now I'm oz I've been private fb messaging Paul's brothers gf who is also getting bullied by his mum and we have said the truth about her in the messages about things that have been going on while we are on oz, ie I'm getting nasty emails off her. So me and the sis in law have been venting to each other privatley. Well Lynn has guessed the sis in laws fb password and has read the messages of what we have said about her. Sh*t has hit the fan and has blown up in our faces. She is ringing later to discuss it all as she said our messages our despicable. I'm absolutely sick with nerves and I don't know what I should do about this? Do I cut her off? I'm the most quietest, sensitive person and I wouldn't hurt a fly so I can't understand why she picks on me. Sorry about the essay I just don't know what to do :-( I wish I could just walk away from this but I can't !

Thanks for any advice in advance girls :)

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Hey girls, I've got a right problem at the moment and don't really know who else to talk to about it (family and friends back in the UK). My fiancée and I left our jobs at Xmas to come to oz to travel and to get away from his evil mother. She was so horrible to me since we met 4 years ago and I don't know why. She always picks on me about my weight and that I shouldn't be the size I am, must be hard for a girl "my size" (I'm a 14-16 5ft 8 big frame). She always moans when I have spots etc. my mum brought me up on her own from day one and Paul's mum Lynn is always critising mum saying she should of stayed with my so called father just for my sake and always says "don't have kids young, me and Paul's dad had our kids late and look who's still together now etc" it breaks my heart when she says stuff like this about my mum as my mum has been my mum and dad to me! So now I'm oz I've been private fb messaging Paul's brothers gf who is also getting bullied by his mum and we have said the truth about her in the messages about things that have been going on while we are on oz, ie I'm getting nasty emails off her. So me and the sis in law have been venting to each other privatley. Well Lynn has guessed the sis in laws fb password and has read the messages of what we have said about her. Sh*t has hit the fan and has blown up in our faces. She is ringing later to discuss it all as she said our messages our despicable. I'm absolutely sick with nerves and I don't know what I should do about this? Do I cut her off? I'm the most quietest, sensitive person and I wouldn't hurt a fly so I can't understand why she picks on me. Sorry about the essay I just don't know what to do :-( I wish I could just walk away from this but I can't !

Thanks for any advice in advance girls :)

Don't feel bad love, I want to know why this grown woman is logging into other peoples facebook accounts? That is not jam AT ALL!

I would be putting it all back on her and asking her what she has to do this!

She's nasty, you are gorgeous!

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I just feel terrible doña :-( she calls me Alsorts and I let her most of the time because I don't want to upset her and hateee confrontation! I wish I was strong to stand up to her. She's in her 50s and I'm only 22. I don't know wether I should cut her off or just make up(if she does?). Trust me to get the evilest mother in law on the earth!!!!!!!! Lol :-(

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Wow, that is so not cool and I really feel for you. How dare ANYONE critique the way you were brought up, let alone someone who is a part of your inner circle.

How dare she hack someone else's Facebook?!! This is so wrong on so many levels. Personally, I wouldn't even discuss it with her. YOU have nothing to discuss. You were having a private conversation with another person, and don't really need to defend yourself. She is the one that took it upon herself to snoop, and as they say, curiosity killed the cat. If she rings you, I have a feeling that all she is going to do is rant and rave about how she thinks you are a bad person, and you won't be able to get a word in edgewise, so no point having a one sided conversation. She obviously cannot see further than her own nose. If you are non-confrontational, then don't get caught up in a confrontation as she will only overbear you. Simply say something along the lines of "I am sorry that you read what you did, however those messages were private and intended for the recipient, so you had no right to read them in the first place. I feel that nothing I can say will appease to what you want to hear so I am unable to continue this conversation with you." And then bid her fare well and hang up. I'm sorry I couldn't have been of more help but please remember that you have done nothing wrong, and good luck.

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Hey jjmelb, thank you :-) yeah that's really good what you said. I just had enough! It was bad enough getting bullied in my last work place but its even worse with her as she is "family" and knows I'm quiet and sensitive. I just want this over with, and have peace! X

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hey babe i really wouldnt ever bother taking the call. she is only going to just rant and rave by the sounds of it. She did the wrong thing here, not you, dont let her make you her punching bag.

Take ger calls when your ready, or jus t do it over email where you can control your response

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I feel a bit better talking to you girls :-) I just wish she would let us go and to stop treating us like scum. I think she must be very unhappy inside for her to do this. Has anyone else had a problem like this? Thanks girlies your all so kind :-)

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Oh u poor thing what a crazy bit*h I don't like confrontation much either babe unless necessary!! Maybe ask your partner to deal with her after all it's his mother!! She has no right to snoop and no right to talk down to you.... I would not answer her call and send a msg or email like thefox said and at least that way you can have your say!! Wish I could be there with u if she does call I would cheer u on... :(. Best of luck with the monster Hun xxx

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Actually Emma I have a VERY judgemental family my sister and mother mostly. My sister has always been very jealous that I am happy in my life in my marriage and within myself and she puts down everything I say or do!! She has not called me or had any contact since my BA as I know she is jealous bcos she would love to do it but could never afford it! She even stopped talking to our other sister bcos her hubby had a back injury at work and got a pay out and they got their house with no mortgage..she is still renting. My mother doesn't like my hubby and its purely bcos she has had 3 marriages and still is unhappy and I have been happy since the day I met him.. Pathetic !! He has made me a better person. I no longer speak to her.. I was always the one to say sorry or it's ok or just brush it off but one day I had enough a d had it out with her on the phone and that was over a year ago now. I won cos I have not let it take me over.. Some people just never grow up!

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My MIL actually spends time with a woman she would prefer my husband to be with (a very old ex)...still to this day! lol Initially it made me feel so bad and rejected, but resigned to the fact that it's her problem - not mine. She still talks to me when we go to the UK, but we don't talk on the phone or email, etc. My husband won't answer his mother's email, phone calls, etc...even though I tell him he should and I am alright with it all now...and I actually think he should. My husband has always supported me and not his mother and her abhorrent behaviour. He said if my parents did that to him, he'd be gutted. I really feel for you...when they're like this - they don't change. This is her problem and I think that deep down she knows it. I wouldn't bother with her call either...she is way out of line. She can't dictate the terms of your relationship and needs to seriously show you some respect! Hang in there love! I found the best thing for me was to not denigrate the mother to the son and just be as positive as you can...even though they can break your heart and mind at times!

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Actually Emma I have a VERY judgemental family my sister and mother mostly. My sister has always been very jealous that I am happy in my life in my marriage and within myself and she puts down everything I say or do!! She has not called me or had any contact since my BA as I know she is jealous bcos she would love to do it but could never afford it! She even stopped talking to our other sister bcos her hubby had a back injury at work and got a pay out and they got their house with no mortgage..she is still renting. My mother doesn't like my hubby and its purely bcos she has had 3 marriages and still is unhappy and I have been happy since the day I met him.. Pathetic !! He has made me a better person. I no longer speak to her.. I was always the one to say sorry or it's ok or just brush it off but one day I had enough a d had it out with her on the phone and that was over a year ago now. I won cos I have not let it take me over.. Some people just never grow up!
It seems like so many families get blessed with one or two of these types. My younger sister is like this (pretty much the same - it's scary); always bitter, causing trouble, never happy for anyone. It seems she targets me more than my older sister (I'm one of 3 girls - in the middle)...probably because we're closer in age. I sent her a message to let her know I was having a BA and she sent one back saying, "Yep, I'm actually really busy, but good luck with it" - just that. I haven't heard from her since. Luckily my parents and older sister also believe she needs some help... we're not really sure why she is like it...just her character...she's unhappy...not sure. She's also married with kids...but doesn't have the same lifestyle as me. My older sister and I are nothing like her in character or looks...we have auburn hair and green eyes...this one is blonde and blue. Mum assures us she's simply a throw back lol :p

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I feel a bit better talking to you girls :-) I just wish she would let us go and to stop treating us like scum. I think she must be very unhappy inside for her to do this. Has anyone else had a problem like this? Thanks girlies your all so kind :-)
Emmajane do not take that phone call!!!!Well and truly it does not sound like anything will rationally become resolved and I think it will do you more harm than good listening to her rant on.She has the problem with you, she is the one who has a problem with your partners brother's girlfriend and she is the one so silly to have hacked into her facebook - she is in the wrong!!!And I think if any lines of communication are going to be opened, you really need to include your partner. It is not okay for her to behave this way and I hope he doesn't leave you to deal with her on your own. If my mother did that to my partner I'd be all over her in a second telling her she's inappropriate. I hope he does the same for you!!

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emma, i totally know how you feel but its my own mother. after years of trying to make things work i have decided to cut her and my father off. i am getting married in feb so it wasnt an easy choice. But you know what I feel so much better now that i dont care anymore and so much happier.

She is obviously a gossip, she invaded you sister-in-laws privacy and your own. I wouldnt be speaking to her, I would be making your fiancee do it. It is his mother, he loves you and should stick up for you. You sound to gentle to deal with that sort of confrontation hun.

My fiancee deals with his mum, she says innappropriate things to me (has a personality disorder) so she doenst realise what shes said but he puts her in her place and im fine with that, i forgive and forget.

But this bullying has to stop, make the other half deal with it. Best of luck and we are all here for you xxx

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Emmajane I would love to hear what you fiancé thinks of all this!Don't answer her call!I had a very similar situation happen!!!My MIL and Sis in law ( who I am not FB friends with) somehow read a comment I made on Facebook about my Bro in law and sis in laws marriage to my bro in laws ex who I am very good friends with.My MIL rang my hubby telling mum to tell me I was out of line and blah blah blah!my hubby rang me and said what's going on what are you saying?I turned it back around on to her saying his mum and sis in law shouldn't be snooping, they went looking for trouble and they found it!I don't give a fk what they think about the comment cos its true, I didn't write it to them it wasn't intended for their eyes so its their own stupid fault they got so offended, they shouldn't have been snooping..My hubby rang his mum back and basically said exactly that!!!! I was super proud!!!!! He was abit upset that he had a fight with his mum!!It will prob be awkward next time we see her but I intend to stand my ground if she ever brings it up!If people are rude enough to snoop then I'm gonna be rude enough to tell it like it is.I think your hubby and his brother should be disgusted in her and let her have it!!!!

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Hey girls, wow I literally thought I was the only person with such a troublesome MIL/family. I feel better with hearing everyone's advice. I said to Paul if/when she rings tell her if u have nothing nice to say about my fiancée then *uck off out of our lives, cya!! Lol. Paul's dad doesn't see what she has done wrong -.- so we have to write a list now of things she has said to make us upset and how to resolve things. Like some big team building excersise!! How am I meant to know what to do, they are the ones who have caused this ****. I so feel terrible for the messages but she shouldn't of snooped end off. Hope to get some sleep night but we will see lol. Thanks girlies xx

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I would just ignore her think positive and positive things will happen but one question why would she be hacking into someone's Facebook unless she was looking to find something..

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I have issues with my MIL also. She is a narcissistic manipulative cow.

I'm sorry she hacked into someone else's FB and then read your messages. That act in itself speaks volumes on the type of person she is. she should be ashamed at herself but i bet she isnt and has fully launched into the victim role. I'm sure she is expecting grovelling apologies!Personally I wouldn't speak to her on the phone, rather write an email and take the time to say what you want to say to her. Don't apologise for your words, but perhaps explain why you said them using examples of what she said that prompted you to vent like you did. Hopefully she's not like mine and suffering from a very convenient case of amnesia when you tell her ;)

(I'm not kidding my MIL should either be in a home or be a politician as her memory loss can be chronic!)

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Emma Jane.... Did the dad ring.You don't need to explain all the horrible things she has done or said over the yrs.... You simply need to have your fiancée say- " it is not about what was written in the messages it is about the mothers inappropriate act of invading SIL privacy and hacking into her FB (which is actually illegal) it doesn't matter what was written cos the mother should not have been on their you can say what ever you want to your sis inlaw." Don't argue about what was written keep turning it back onto her that it should have never been read.Do you mind sharing the sis and bro Inlaws thoughts on the situation with us?

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Hey girls, yeah your absolutely right. It's like you all know her lol :-p my SIL and BIL are less upset than me because they don't feel guilty for writing the messages but are still equally angry at what she has done? Paul's dad didn't ring, apparently Lynn was way too traumatised by this whole experience to deal with a phone call yet. Dramatic much??!! Also remembered before...she works at a well known bank and was also checking Paul's and the BIL back account whilst at work... I'm pretty sure that's illegal??!! I might just send a quick email to the bank about this...Or am I snooping down to her level? X

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Hey girls, I've got a right problem at the moment and don't really know who else to talk to about it (family and friends back in the UK). My fiancée and I left our jobs at Xmas to come to oz to travel and to get away from his evil mother. She was so horrible to me since we met 4 years ago and I don't know why. She always picks on me about my weight and that I shouldn't be the size I am, must be hard for a girl "my size" (I'm a 14-16 5ft 8 big frame). She always moans when I have spots etc. my mum brought me up on her own from day one and Paul's mum Lynn is always critising mum saying she should of stayed with my so called father just for my sake and always says "don't have kids young, me and Paul's dad had our kids late and look who's still together now etc" it breaks my heart when she says stuff like this about my mum as my mum has been my mum and dad to me! So now I'm oz I've been private fb messaging Paul's brothers gf who is also getting bullied by his mum and we have said the truth about her in the messages about things that have been going on while we are on oz, ie I'm getting nasty emails off her. So me and the sis in law have been venting to each other privatley. Well Lynn has guessed the sis in laws fb password and has read the messages of what we have said about her. Sh*t has hit the fan and has blown up in our faces. She is ringing later to discuss it all as she said our messages our despicable. I'm absolutely sick with nerves and I don't know what I should do about this? Do I cut her off? I'm the most quietest, sensitive person and I wouldn't hurt a fly so I can't understand why she picks on me. Sorry about the essay I just don't know what to do :-( I wish I could just walk away from this but I can't ! Thanks for any advice in advance girls :)
I have just read this, what a crazy ***** she is. Can I ask where is your fiancé in all of this? If I was you I'd tell her where to go especially bad mouthing your mother - she would be dead to me for doing that - but seriously your fiancé needs to take control of his mother! I'm so sorry you're going through this and I can't believe she would hack someone's account she is mentally unstable!

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