Parents do not support my breast augmentation

[PAgirl 0]

I am currently 26 years old and I have wanted a BA since I was 15. My parents do not support it. My boyfriend, who I live with, does. He says he loves me just the way I am but it is my body and he will love me no matter what I decide to do.

I have been doing my research for a very long time and finally made the decision to go through with scheduling a few consultations since I have a couple thousand dollars saved up. I asked my boyfriend to go with me since we live together, he will be the one taking me there and back home, and he will be there for me post op. I want him to hear everything directly from the doctor and so does he.

I confided in my mother about how I scheduled a consultation for my BA because I wanted her involved and I thought she would be happy for me. Instead she sounded disgusted with me and gave me the 5th degree. I could tell she was upset I was not asking for her opinion or permission on the matter and I was more like, mom, this is what I’m doing and out of respect for you I want you to know. She also said “how can you afford this financially, etc. etc, and how she is going to tell my father.”

A few hours later I received a phone call from my dad flipping out about my finances and money. How he doesn’t care what I do to my body but I need to have my priorities in check and get my loans paid off first before I dig myself into a deeper hole. How he didn’t help me get out of a bad situation to go blow money on this and how if I go through with this he will never help me out with my wedding, etc. etc. He also called me impulsive.

It is also important to note that I made a few bad financial mistakes in my past and needed my parents help. They loaned me money that I signed a contract for and pay them monthly payments back. I also live in one of their rentals and pay rent monthly.

Per the above, he is referring to my personal loan to them, my school loan, and car loan. How I should have all three of these paid off before I spend money on a BA.

Realistically, I will never have these three paid off anytime soon. Also, I make enough money every month to make all of these payments AND have extra money for things I want or for savings. Furthermore, I am okay with making payments on things, even though his mentality is to dump every penny you have at something until it’s paid off.

And honestly, this surgery takes priority. I want my breast augmentation before I get married and before kids. I want to be able to enjoy them now.

Don’t get me wrong, I am extremely grateful for all the help my parents have given me through the years and helping me stand on my own two feet. But I don’t think that help should come with strings attached, them using it as control, or holding it over my head. I also don’t think it’s fair to tell me how I should spend my money and to say such hurtful things about a procedure that means so much to me and is very personal. I did the math, and between what I have saved, and the care credit card, I can afford the 24 monthly payments at no interest. (My father also threw it in my face “what if you lose your job and now your stuck with yet another bill and then can’t afford to pay me rent”).

I reached out to my mother and let her know how deeply hurt I was by both of them. That just because I don’t talk about my breasts to them everyday does not mean I am impulsive. I have wanted this for a very long time. I also told her I didn’t have to even tell them but I wanted too, and how it’s not fair for them to tell me how to spend my hard earned money when I am finally in a financial position to do something for me. And that I feel like they will always look at me as a failure because of past mistakes when I have done so much to fix myself.

I am very taken back, Hurt, and angry. I told my mom that this is happening, and that I will not allow for them to ruin this for me. That they can either be the loving supporting parents that they are, or I will not involve them in the process.

I cant shake this feeling of guilt and like I am going to ruin a relationship with my parents. I want to include them but at what cost? If I tell them they get angry and make threats. If I don’t tell them they will be equally as hurt.

I am 26 years old and feel like they need to accept this decision and not punish me for it.

How would you handle it or have any of you had a similar experience?

[LaurenT 755]

I don’t envy your position at all. I wouldn’t have told them personally. I didn’t tell my parents. It sounds like this is something you have researched a lot and is something you really need to do for yourself. Just do it ?

[misstons 1,102]

At the end of the day it’s your decision to make, not theirs. You aren’t a child.

But I do personally agree you should pay your parents back before you get a BA. You’re 26 years old you shouldn’t be relying on them for any financial reasons. Owing money to anyone apart from a bank is never a good idea. People get way to weird when money is involved.

[LaurenT 755]

6 hours ago, misstons said:

At the end of the day it’s your decision to make, not theirs. You aren’t a child.

But I do personally agree you should pay your parents back before you get a BA. You’re 26 years old you shouldn’t be relying on them for any financial reasons. Owing money to anyone apart from a bank is never a good idea. People get way to weird when money is involved.

Very good point about making sure your parents are paid back. You are correct about people getting funny with money. I would personally also look at renting a house that isn’t owned by your parents. Time to start being fully independent.

[pink butterfly 1,509]

You are 26 years old and an adult. I agree with the ^^…………..pay off all of your debts re loans and find another rental so that you are not financially connected to your parents. Then start saving for the BA. You will feel so good when the time comes for your BA surgery and you have got there financially yourself without any help from your parents. You can do this! x

[Frankie* 40]

I feel for you PAgirl. Although I don't have the exact same situation (financially), we are similar in that I'm 27 and also have wanted this my whole life (am booked in for lift + BA in December 2018) however my mum and I have not seen eye-to-eye on this.

I know that she just cares and is worried about me regretting my decision in the future - I don't think they always realise how many years we have spent trawling forums and pages just like this one before making our decisions!

To be honest she had been slightly apprehensive but supportive initially ("it's your body"), but as soon as I showed her the style that I like (high profile, rounds .. generally known to not always be the most natural looking) she changed her tune as they are not what she finds aesthetically pleasing.

We had a heated exchange about it and didn't speak for a week, but are now back on our normal terms. I probably won't bring up the subject again with my mum until she does. We will never see eye-to-eye on everything!

I'd suggest speaking to your folks, can either of you compromise? Can you pay off one loan before booking? Would be a lot less of a stressful process to have them in your corner ?